I grew up a young man that didn’t fit in. I was born socially awkward but with analytical capability above par.
My life was normal on the surface,but beneath the surface was an unease and festering of difficult emotions and scenarios.
My childhood was spent as chameleon. Too different. Too sensitive. I would do anything and everything to find a friend. I found a couple that I still love today.
The vacant void of loneliness was my youth.
My adult years (21 through 32) were filled with disappointment, mental illness, and finding who I am today. Violence of mind and body were the marquee of my heart.
I entered into an US VS THEM type of mental state. Christians versus atheists, communists versus nationalists, educated versus uneducated, haves versus have nots, US VS THEM.
Human nature and prosperity has relied on social concepts such as in group preference. My sick soul was fed by animus and entitlement. I was so lonely for so long that I would cling to a friend, group, or crutch with the clutch of a man reaching for the edge of a cliff.
Darkness. Drinking. Downfall. Done.
My late twenties and early thirties were a quick descent into painful self destructive habits. I drank too much, slept too little, and lived too angry. I hit rock bottom with a bottle in my hand and promised to myself the suffering was over.
I began climbing out. I addressed long-standing unhealthy patterns. I went to therapy. I found a peer to peer mentoring group. I began to study mindfulness. Forgiveness and grace became key goals. Forgiveness for the sins of the past and forgiveness extended to those I felt had oppressed and opposed me my entire life.
The last 3. years have been pivotal for me. I learned to crash, burn, and escape from the ashes renewed.
I started a non profit helping veterans that suffer with mental gymnastics of their own. I had lived on the edge of stability my entire life. I found reasons to live when there was nothing but darkness. Too many veterans have killed themselves due to invisible wounds of war. I figured sharing hope could change lives. I did that.
Workouts, prayer, eating, sleeping, understanding.
Today I care about people. I’m not ashamed of the past. I’m aware of my flaws and failures. I move ahead.
I found my faith again. Worship for me is an all inclusive participation in being pro life in all matters of being. I’m anti abortion and anti war. I’m pro liberty for all.
I’m politically Moderate. These last few years have rounded my edges. I’ve always listened to a diverse portfolio of perspectives, but now I genuinely try to emphasize with each individual person’s story and never pigeonhole.
I love my life today. My family is my focus. Lots of loving, laughing, and tickling. Deep conversations as we hike through the forest. Hugs, tears, and growth.
I’m never looking back. I have internal and external goals. I’m a business owner, partner, and mentor to men and women who need to know that LIFE GETS BETTER WHEN YOU TRY.
Survival has taken an immense amount of effort. Refusing to take the easy way out sets a person up for hard work and healthy living. There is no other way. Giving up is not an option today.
I live to love today. Hate and discontent are close by at all times. I will be the ultimate dichotomy of the balance of the soul.